THE RONALD REAGON DINNER THEATER AND CREMATORIUM.
"Approximately 80% of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons
released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and
enforcing tough emission standards from man-made sources. "It is
simply not our fault nor responsibility to enforce such standards"
Address to the nation, 1984




WEIRD NEWS
'NATIONAL PRESIDENT OF MONGOLS M.C. IS HEALTH CARE WORKER.
Ruben "Doc. Cavazos. National President and most watched
M.C.organization in the
U.S Is a recognized respected health care facilitator.
" Doc" is a Hospitol C.A.T.scan tech in University of Southern
California Medical
Center.
He has been in Health care for over 15 years reciving citations of
award of
merit for contributions to health and saftey of patients and cleints
alike.
He has just written a book about his exploits called "Honor Few, Fear
None."
The life and times of a Mongol.
His book can be veiwed below
http://www.mongolsmc.com/



FIRST CLASS ACT.

B.M.W. REDUCES PRICES FOR U.S VETERANS RETURNING FROM IRAQ
FIRST CLASS. B.M.W. offers programs for U.S Veterans
In appreciation of the commitment and sacrifice of the men and women
serving in
the US armed forces, BMW Motorrad USA is pleased to announce a
special
motorcycle purchase program for all active members of the US armed
forces. The
program - which runs through December 31, 2008 - is designed to help
military
personnel purchase the BMW motorcycle of their choice for personal
use.

To be eligible for the program, purchasers must be active members of
the US
Armed Forces. Active members include active duty (including activated
Reservists) of the U.S. Air Force, Army, Navy, Marines, National
Guard and Coast
Guard, and those who have recently finished active service (within 6
months)
with a current military identification card. A copy of Department of
Defense
form 214 may be necessary for retired service members and those who
have
recently been discharged from active service.

The following allowances are available on all models within every BMW
model
series:
* K-Series $500
* R-Series $400
* G-Series $250
* F-Series $250
For details regarding eligibility and purchase terms, visit
www.bmwmotorcycles.com
<http://www.bmwmotorcycles.com> and click on "Promotions;" or contact
your local
BMW Motorrad retailer.


BEST WESTERN HOTELS COUPLE UP WITH HARLEY DAVIDSON.
Have you ever gotten the cold shoulder from bikerphobic hotels? Best
Western is hoping to attract more two-wheeled visitors by teaming up
with Harley-Davidson and identifying more than 1,000 of their hotels
as "rider friendly."
Travel benefits extended to selected hotels includes no-cost wipe-
down towels, access to a wash station, and some locations feature
amenities including free designated parking, tar remover, sunscreen,
and lip balm.
Harley is also offering their Gold Crown Club International
<http://bwrider.com>; program to H-D riders, and the free club
entitles members to redeem points accumulated at any Best Western
hotel around the world.
Comment with your bike-related hotel experiences, and whether this
program makes you more willing to stay at a Best Western hotel.


WEIRD NEWS.

TRIUMPH 675 CLOCKS 253 M.P.H. FUELED BY RED APPLES.
Northhamptonshire, England.
No bull. A fuel made from 6000 windfall apples, (fermented by Prince
William School in Oundle, Northhamptonshire), broke the bike speed
record for biofuel. Bike supplied, and modifyed slightly, (fuel
mapping) by Triumph. "Bike Magazine" had a leading role to play also.



HARLEY AXES JOBS AMID SALES DROP
Harley Davidson is to axe 700 jobs and 'significantly' cut shipments
to dealers during 2008.
Reporting a 2.5% reduction in their 1st quarter profit, Chief
Executive Officer Jim Ziemer added there is "no sign of when things
will turn around" for the economy.



INDIAN MOTORCYCLE UNVEILS 2009 MODEL
Indian Motorcycles has unveiled initial images of the 2009 model
Chief.
The new bike will come in four different versions; Standard, Deluxe,
Roadmaster
and Vintage, with a price range between US$30,999 to $35,499
depending on model.
The Chief will be powered by Indian's own Power Plus 105 cubic-inch
engine,
which is aiming to generate 100 lb-ft of torque.

Indian plans to show the new Chief at the Sturgis Rally in early
August, in
preparation for launching production either late Summer or early
Autumn 2008.

Initial launch plans are small, with a production run of 750 Chiefs
and just one
dealership set up in North Carolina. Indian hopes to have 30 dealers
established
by the end of 2008 however.


MAGGOT REPORTS
NEED A BONG, USE YOUR HEAD TO FEED YOUR HEAD.
HOUSTON (AP) -- Three teenagers were arrested after two of them told
police they
dug up a secluded grave north of Houston, removed the skull from the
coffin and
converted it into a marijuana bong.
Police found a grave in the city of Humble that had been disturbed,
but were
still investigating the rest of the teens' story, Houston police Sgt.
John
Chomiak said.
Kevin Wade Jones, 17, and Matthew Richard Gonzalez, 17, both of
Kingwood, were
arrested Wednesday night and were being held on misdemeanor charges
of abuse of
a corpse, Chomiak said. The juvenile was referred to the Harris
County juvenile
justice system.
"They dug into this gravesite and that was enough to warrant the
abuse of corpse
charge," Chomiak said. "There has to be further investigation into
the actual
gravesite."
Police believe the grave is that of an 11-year-old boy who died in
1921.
Preliminary reports indicate it was part of a 19th-century veterans
cemetery,
Chomiak said. While residents in the area knew of the cemetery's
existence, it
did not appear to be maintained.
© 2008 The Associated Press.



REAL THINKERS

DONKEY ARRESTED AND PUT INTO DRUNK TANK,
(05-19) 21:27 PDT TUXTLA GUTIERREZ, Mexico (AP) --
A donkey is doing time in southern Mexico for assault and battery.
The animal was locked up at a local jail that normally holds people
for public drunkenness and other disturbances after it bit and kicked
two men near a ranch in Chiapas state, police said Monday.
Officer Sinar Gomez said the donkey will remain behind bars until its
owner agrees to pay the men's medical bills.
"Around here, if someone commits a crime they are jailed," Gomez
said - "no matter who they are."
The owner, Mauro Gutierrez, told The Associated Press he would try to
reach a friendly arrangement to pay the men's bills, estimated at
US$420 (euro270).
The victims said the donkey bit Genaro Vazquez, 63, in the chest on
Sunday and then kicked 52-year-old Andres Hernandez as he tried to
come to the rescue, fracturing his ankle.
"All of a sudden, the animal was on top of us like it was rabid,"
Hernandez said.
Police said it took a half-dozen men to control the enraged burro.
Chiapas police have thrown animals in the slammer before, including a
bull that devoured corn crops and destroyed two wooden vending stands
in March.
In 2006, a dog was locked up for 12 days after biting someone. His
owners were fined US$18.

WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL IT DOPE.
A New Zealand man who found himself in a service station with no
money has attempted to pay for his food with cannabis, the Dominion
Post newspaper reported.
Unfortunately he did not get a chance to discover whether the
attendant would accept his offer, as the person behind him in was a
police officer.
The man's attempt to buy two packets of chocolate and a packet of
potato chips to satisfy his "munchies" was caught short when he was
arrested.
He must have been hungry, as he failed to notice the police patrol
car being filled with petrol, the paper reported.
The 28-year-old mechanic from the small North Island town of
Carterton pleaded guilty to possessing cannabis in the Masterton
District Court and was remanded for sentencing.


RARE CANADIAN BIKE UP FOR AUCTION.
One of the earliest Canadian-made motorcycles is going up for auction.
The bike - a 94 year old Indian Hendee special - was built at a
Toronto factory in 1914. The discarded remains were discovered around
65 years after it was built, in a Vancouver junkyard by noted vintage
motorcycle collector Peter Gagan.
Gagan has spent decades gradually restoring the bike to its former
glory, but has decided to put it up for auction. The bike - costing
it's original owner around US$400 in 1914 - is expected to fetch
US$100,000 at Bonhams' sale of 'exceptional motorcycles' in
California.



AUSTRALIA MOVES TO OUTLAW OUTLAW BIKERS, ONE PERCENT COLORS TO BE
BANNED.
Police soon will have the power to "squash" bikie gangs and force
them to move elsewhere after the Government's controversial anti-
bikie legislation recently passed through Parliament. Police Minister
Paul Holloway said SA (South Australia) was on the verge of having
the nation's and perhaps the world's toughest anti-bikie laws. "These
are the laws that police have asked for and, finally, we are able to
ensure police have exactly what they need to take on these criminal
bikie gangs," he said. When the laws are gazetted, it will be illegal
for anyone to associate with known bikies six or more times a year.
Bikies also will be banned from specific locations. The Serious and
Organised Crime (Control) Bill 2007 also will enable Police
Commissioner Mal Hyde to obtain orders from the Attorney-General,
Michael Atkinson, declaring bikie gangs illegal. The
Government "hoped" to have the laws in place by July 1. The
legislation was criticized as draconian by other states at a March
meeting of State and Federal Government ministers. The legislation
now goes back to the Lower House for final approval.



FLORIDA MOVES TO BAN TESTES ON MOTORCYCLES AND VEHICLES.

ANNETTE FUNICELLO OF MICKEY MOUSE FAME TAKES THE LEAD," They make me
sick to look at them, Im tired of men pushing those things in peoples
faces, Every where we go we see them"

LAWMAKERS IN FLORIDA GO NUTS OVER FAKE TESTICLES INSTEAD OF EXAMINING
MORTGAGE AND IMMIGRATION ISSUES.
With hot-button issues like immigration, the environment, and the
failing real estate market crowding the "national conversation" these
days, it's nice to see a few ballsy Floridians with the cojones to
take on important issues like fake testicles, reported Tallahassee's
Daily Democrat newspaper. The brave Florida state Senate passed an
amendment to a transportation bill that would levy a $60 fine against
anyone with TruckNutz or generic-made fake testicles dangling from
their rear bumpers. Of course, some naysayers are arguing that there
are more important things to legislate against than fake balls, which
are harmless decorations for your truck or motorcycle for those who
suffer a genital inferiority complex. Sen. Carey Baker, who proposed
the amendment, acknowledged his critics' concerns and said that "I do
have more important things to do this session. But I think this is
important, too."

Actress Annette Funicello of Walt Disney fame became a forefront
proponent of such a ban. Odly enough Ms Funicello made her living
acting as the lead in films such as " How to Stuff a Bikini", Bikini
Beach" ect.




GENE POOL CLEAN UP TIME.
BEER DRINKER BURIED IN BEER CAN CASKET.
On behalf of the investors of Pabst Blue Ribbon, We want to thankyou
for your money and your life.
SOUTH CHICAGO HEIGHTS, Ill.(05-05) 12:37 PDT (AP) --
Bill Bramanti will love Pabst Blue Ribbon eternally, and he's got the
custom-made beer-can casket to prove it. "I actually fit, because I
got in here," said Bramanti of South Chicago Heights.
The 67-year-old Glenwood village administrator doesn't plan on
needing it anytime soon, though.
He threw a party Saturday for friends and filled his silver coffin -
designed in Pabst's colors of red, white and blue - with ice and his
favorite brew.
"Why put such a great novelty piece up on a shelf in storage when you
could use it only the way Bill Bramanti would use it?" said
Bramanti's daughter, Cathy Bramanti, 42.
Bramanti ordered the casket from Panozzo Bros. Funeral Home in
Chicago Heights, and Scott Sign Co. of Chicago Heights designed the
beer can.


GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE. TOTAL PORN FREAK.
WAX ON, WAX OFF. or WHAC OFF WAC OFF
[No wonder your eyes are squinted.]
(05-02) 05:06 PDT TOKYO, Japan (AP) --

A Japanese civil servant was demoted for logging more than 780,000
hits on pornographic Web sites on his office computer over nine
months, an official said Friday.
The man, a Kinokawa city government employee in western Japan,
visited porn sites from June 2007 to February 2008, city official
Tomiko Waki said. The man's name was withheld.
City officials said the number of hits discovered on his computer's
internal log was so high in part because one click on certain types
of pornographic sites registers multiple hits.

Many of his counterparts did log in complaints of his moaning noise,
or makeing grunting sounds while suposidly working during the day
hours.
"Each desk is set apart from each other," Waki said, adding that the
man logged 170,000 hits on porn sites in July alone.
The man's supervisors discovered his extensive porn site visits after
his computer became infected with a virus, prompting officials to
examine his Web browser's history.


REAL THINKERS
Big lie number 1.82- A.

BRAIN SNAP, EQUALS SPEEDING ON YOUR MOTORCYCLE.
An Australian biker, caught for speeding and recklessly riding on the
emergency
lane of a freeway, claimed had suffered a "temporary brain snap"!

The un-named 21 year old biker had been spotted speeding along the
emergency
lane. After stopping traffic, an officer signalled the biker to stop,
but had to
move out of the way as the bike was allegedly aimed at him, missing
by less than
a metre.

Police have charged the biker with reckless driving, failing to stop
when called
upon, assault to prevent arrest, using an emergency lane when not
entitled,
driving an unlicensed vehicle, driving contrary to a learner's
permit, and
driving contrary to a work order.

He will appear in the Perth Magistrate's Court at a later date. At
this time the youth is in process of collectin medical documentation
stating he suffers from "ocasional, temporary bouts of synopse
malfunction which in turns stops him from clear thinking". How ever
his mother claims it is a simple case of B.S of the brain.


U.S MARINES SPENDING THERE CASH ON MOTORCYCLES.
Marines take on motorcycle madness.
May, 2008.
Both the U.S. Army and Marine Corps have been having a growing
problem with
motorcycle accidents, outside of combat. Over ten percent of army and
marine
personnel own a motorcycle, and that number has increased rapidly
since the
invasion of Iraq.

The reason for all this is the large amount of money many troops find
themselves
with when they come back from Iraq or Afghanistan. In combat zones,
there aren't
too many things you can spend your money on. Then there's the extra
pay for
being there. It adds up. If the trooper isn't married (and about half
are not)
many arrive back home with up to $50,000, or more, in ready cash.
This leads to
temptation, and that temptation often takes the form of a hot new
bike. Many
troops return jacked up on combat and all the fast road movement they
experienced in Iraq or Afghanistan.

Last year, 93 military army personnel were killed in automotive
accidents. Most
of these were soldiers, while 19 were marines. While the military has
been able
to reduce automobile accidents, motorcycle deaths keep climbing.

With the increase in motorcycle owners, came in increase in owners
groups. There
are now nearly a hundred motorcycle clubs for army and marine bike
owners.
Attempts are being made to use these clubs as a way to get the
message out on
the need for safer riding. The marines have also made it mandatory
for everyone
to register their bike with their commander. In other words, every
battalion
commander has a list of marines who own bikes, and is expected to
make sure
these young maniacs get safety training. Another problem is that,
higher gas
prices have encouraged bike owners to use them year round, instead of
just
during the Summer. In those parts of the country with freezing
Winters, that
means increased accident potential because of the ice and shorter
daylight
hours.

Troops have also used those big paydays to buy SUVs and small trucks.
The
accidents for those are also up, but not nearly as much as for
motorcycles.
While pounding away, as only the military can, on safe driving, the
brass have
also realized that they have to zero in on the twelve percent of the
troops that
have bikes, and convince them to concentrate more on safety.


REAL THINKERS STRIKE AGAIN.
FORT WORTH - An Intoxicated Fort Worth man trying to scratch an itch
on his back used a
revolver and accidentally shot himself.
Jorge Espinal, 44, was drinking beer and playing poker around 3 a.m.
Sunday
morning in his home in the 3500 block of Montague Street, when he got
up from
the table and walked into another room, said Fort Worth police Lt.
Kenneth Dean.

"He told officers he had an itch on his back and grabbed the first
thing he
could get a hold of, which was a revolver," Lt. Dean said. "The gun
went off."
Espinal went back and told his buddies that he shot himself. "They
didn't
believe him until they saw the blood coming down his back,"

Espinal stated he wasnt sure if he shot himself or his freinds shot
him. Lt. Dean said.
Espinal was taken to an area hospital where he was treated and
released with
non-life-threatening injuries.
Non of his freinds bothered to go to the hospitol with him, they
stayed to finnish there game

BIZZARE CONCEPT BIKE USES HUMAN BEING FOR FRAME.
Created by transportation design student Jake Loniak, the Yamaha Deus
Ex Machina is an "electric, single passenger, vertically parking,
wearable motorcycle, and the bike would theoretically be controlled
via 36 pneumatic muscles and 2 linear actuators. We're also told that
it would be able to accelerate from 0 to 60 in just 3 seconds, though
the top speed would be capped at 75 miles-per-hour.

more info here www.greencardesign.co.uk/site/item.php?
id=1210936143&category=news&subcat


VIRTUAL MOTORCYCLE SKILL TRAINING WORKS.,
The University of Nottingham has unveiled a motorcycle simulator,
said to be the 'first of its kind'.

The simulator, which uses a genuine Triumph Daytona chassis donated
by the UK manufacturer, will be used to monitor rider behaviour,
leading to advances in road safety and bike design.

The bike - which is linked to software previously used in car
simulators - leans as it would in a real-life scenario, pushed by
four pneumatic actuators. A road environment is then projected onto a
large screen in front of the bike.

Dr Alex Stedmon said: "It is going to be a fantastic research
facility for us. It's the first full-sized, moveable simulator that's
linked to a projection screen and reconfigurable software. On the
simulator we don't have to worry about the safety of riders or the
weather (because it is indoors)."


TOMB RAIDER MOTORCYCLE SCENE A HIT.
According to a poll by Bennetts, Angelina Jolie's ride to the rescue
in 'Lara Croft: Tomb Raider' has been voted "Best motorcycle movie
moment".

Steve McQueen's chase to the border in 'The Great Escape' came
second, followed by Tom Cruise's ride in Top Gun. Other memorable
moments include scenes from The Terminator and The Matrix series of
films.