It can buy a House
But not a Home

It can buy a Bed
But not Sleep

It can buy a Clock
But not Time

It can buy a Book
But not Knowledge

It can buy a Position
But not Respect

It can buy Medicine
But not Health

It can buy Blood
But not Life

Money isn't everything. And it often causes pain and suffering.
I tell you all this because I am your Friend,
and as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering...

So send me all your money and I will suffer for you.

I ACCEPT CASH, MONEY ORDERS,
PERSONAL CHEQUES, CASHIERS CHEQUES,
BAGS OF GOLD, BARS OF PLATINUM, ETC.

PLEASE: NO CHILDREN AS PAYMENTS.
THEY WILL BE RETURNED.